Wednesday, March 23

Another battle?

I have to apologize for not being very cheerful and jolly these past few posts.

Seems the enemy is shooting flaming arrows at me in all directions lately! First with the loss (break-up) of a friend, then I've had a few episodes of not very much marital bliss, top that off with a little financial upset. But now it gets to my heart more than ever. My children. My son hasn't been feeling well the past 2 days and it has got my brain going into overdrive.

Tummy trouble. I seriously dislike tummy trouble. My son complained of a stomach ache on Tuesday morning and then came home crying cause it had been hurting all day. I could only think to give him some milk and later some Pepto Bismol. Of course asking many questions along the way, where does it hurt?, how much have you eaten, been drinking water? bathroom conversations, and so on. We had chalked it up to just gas, but last night his temperature went up to over 102. No other symptom except a stomach ache and now a fever. THIS IS SCARY.

Now a fever doesn't scare me too badly. Tell me someone has a fever of 103-4 and I can go into nursing mode to bring it down, Tylenol, cold compresses, ice cubes, cold bath, alcohol wrist pads, etc. Fevers fear me!

But a fever while my kid is sleeping scares me to the point of sleeplessness. I don't want to leave my child's side at this point. But I don't want to panic either. SO I pray and pray and try to act normal, I'm no actress for a reason.

But this time it's the fact that I can't say "You have a fever because..." If there were symptoms I could relax, but because it has to do with the tummy area and my son isn't very good at describing things in detail, my mind runs to the many organs in the body that can "go wrong"

I am constantly asking him questions. What do you feel now? My back hurts. Could this be his kidneys??
Now what do you feel? My neck hurts a little. Meningitis?

Other questions running through my mind are, should he be home or in school today? tomorrow? At what point does a doctor visit come into play? How high is too high for a fever? Should I give medication before bed if there is a temp of 99.8? Aye-yi-yi!

LOL! It's rough living with a mommy brain isn't it?!

Now I have re-read my post and I am wondering why on earth I am even writing about all this! Sheesh! I've gone and lost my mind. I apologize, But I'm still gong to publish this post so you can get to know more about who I am and the things that make me who I am. Talk to you soon. God Bless

Friday, March 18

Just Keep swimming, Just keep swimming

My very most favorite Disney quote ever! I can picture little, teeny tiny Dory in that HUGE ocean, trying to do the impossible and never losing faith. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"
The impossible was done, due to her faith and perseverance.

Lately I have been faced with several emotional battles. I have been working on my relationship with the Lord, trying to make it stronger and it seems that my other relationships are going sour. Constant irritants are arising, arguments are more often and closer together, communication has been lost.

I know that the enemy is angry because I have been leaning on the Lord more and more, I noticed recently that the few days this past week that I payed less attention to my spiritual health, that my friends and family seemed to "work better" around me. sigh.

I really detest the fact that when I try to do what God wants me to do that the enemy is there tearing my life apart every where that hits me hardest. He knows what hurts me most.

So I am trying so very hard now to remember to "Just keep swimming" , praying and reading God's word as much as possible, until I have proven to the enemy that he WILL NOT win.
If it takes every breath in me to stay devoted to my God I will prove that myGod reigns and my family and my relationships will pull through.

I also need to remember that my Jesus, my Lord and my Savor is WAY - WAY - WAY bigger and more powerful than that little tiny blue fish.

Monday, March 7

Here I am/ Ending a relationship

So over a month ago I had written a blog post I wasn't sure I wanted to post. I guess you can tell I decided not to post it. I really wasn't sure if it was something I should put out there the way I wrote it so I decided better safe than sorry. Anytime I write anything that will be posted forever into the internet I try very, very hard to make sure that what I am typing is exactly what I am trying to SAY. The written word is sometimes very hard to interpret correctly. So if I'm not confident that it cannot be misread I will usually decide not to post it. I'm recommending this practice to all users of the internet especially.

So recently I have had to experience something I have never had to do before. And it was not very pleasant. So I'm kind of hoping if any of you have some stories to share or words of wisdom that you might post a comment today because I need a little support.

I had to break up with someone. Yes this was my first time. I've never even broken up with a boyfriend before! So this was extremely difficult.

I was friends with someone for several years but in the recent past I learned that I had never let myself be the true me when I was with her. For what reason I still have no clue but I am glad I realized it. Once I realized this I began to lose interest in the friendship and then little things started to bug me here and there. But I had no idea how to break up with a friend, so I went on as usual. I remember actually making a comment to someone else that I probably should distance myself from this person somehow. I prayed asking God for help and guidance with this whole ordeal. Well a few months later her children and my children had some sort of altercation and it was never resolved. Things went downhill from there. Neither of us spoke to each other for a while and suddenly she was sort of retaliating with bitter comments and then several emails towards me this past week.

I saw a side of her I never knew existed and frankly it never bothered me that we weren't talking much anymore anyway. So I had to tell her that I honestly didn't think our friendship was meant to go on any longer. I explained to her that I felt like people come and go from our lives with a purpose. I told her that I believe God brought us both together to support each other while our kids were in elementary school and now that they were on their way into Jr. high that we had gotten everything out of our friendship that we were meant to. I explained that I was hurt by her bitterness towards me and that quite simply because of that damage our friendship would never be the same anyway so I thought it best for us to move on.

Of course there was another email filled with more bitterness. It's the bitterness she displayed towards me that I am having a difficult time dealing with. I have never been in a bad relationship before, I have a family that never speaks negatively to each other, EVER. So I guess one could say I have led an emotionally sheltered life up to now. To have someone say the things she said to me and treat me how she did so hastily and out of spite is very scary and very painful. I guess you could say I am still in shock.

I have been in sort of a silent funk since then and haven't spoken about much of this to anyone except my cousin. I have only even told my husband about little pieces of it because he knows her and I wouldn't want him to think badly about her more than I have already led him to.

So tell me what is the proper way to deal with something like this?

Trying to be the best Christian witness I can possibly be, my understanding is that I should lean on God completely with the whole thing. So, I have been doing that. Praying praying praying. Asking God to hold me. To comfort me. Asking Him to make me strong because I don't have the strength to do this myself.

But the fleshly (is that the right word) part of me wants to tell someone what I'm going through. I am not one who likes to complain but I feel like I need to tell someone every single detail just to get it out and let it go. Would it be wrong of me to do that?

Can any of you relate? Share with me how you pulled through a similar situation? Share any favorite scriptures that relate to this subject?

Thanks for reading. TTYL